Falling Away

"And you fall away from your past..."

Today is June 1st, perhaps it would have been more appropriate to close my blog on the last day of May. I was up late enough last night.
The truth is, I haven't been sleeping lately-wishing back the fragments of my life that I love, and away the things I'd give anything to change.
But the truth is-you can't go back. You just can't.

The world around me has changed tremendously in the last six months, and it's the weirdest thing, because I feel like I'm still standing still.
Did I learn about myself through all of these volumes? All of the words I have written? Yes.

I found my tongue works best when held, and my head is held higher when I can rest on the fact that I kept my dignity instead of saying it.

I have slipped up. But self forgiveness, is also something I've accomplished on this journey. The truth is, I'll never be perfect-and "starting over tomorrow" is rediculous, because tomorrow never comes. You only get one shot at life, so I choose to live it. Even if it means having my heart broken.

I've learned to take chances, and dive into things that are not in my comfort zone. Infact, doing that-gave me the sweetest high I've known in so long. And even though he didn't stay-the principle remains. And I treasure him. I really do. I miss him every day.

But I know that the plans for my life are beckoning me to move forward-and if he's a part of them, I'll be lucky-and if he's not...God will send someone greater.

I don't know what time has to tell-but I know the past doesn't determine the future.
This summer, I think-I'm just ready to let it go and fall away from all the things that have made me feel safe;

from all the things I've ever known...