If I had stayed

I wouldn't know
What I know now.

I would have never found it;

What truly makes me happy-

And he wouldn't have either.

I would have never
Started writing again;
I would have never met LeeMychael or Stabler or Austin or Keagan.
I would have never been able to
Take pictures of
A Picture of The World.

I would have never
Had Jon
Or Chime nights
Or Brandon
Or doug

Or Cici-my
Cici.

I would have never learned to
Play the guitar
Or known what a real friend
Looks like-

I would have never
Felt the wind on my face.

I would have never fallen in love
Again

Or been kissed-
Really kissed

For the first time in my life.

I would have just stayed

Settled
And selfishly

Made him settle
Too.

I would still be wasting
Weekends away

And days of my life

In front of a t.v.
Listening to dirty jokes
And watching game after game
Of Brawl;

I would still be coming second to
A computer.


My heart,
My thoughts,
My writing-

Would still fall irrelevant.

And the phone would still never
Ring.

No-matter how much I wanted it
To.

And I would be a wife-
Or dead really;

With him.

If I hadn't left-
I would have never lived.

If I hadn't left-

I would still
Be
15 years old...

Perpetually a high schooler

For the rest of my life.