I Don't Apologize

For the words I said,
No-matter how mean or malicious they were.

I meant them...
I felt them,

From my head to my feet,
To the deepest parts of my soul;

And "oughts" and "should haves"
Became irrelevant;

Because in that moment,
Of
Agonizing,
Anger
And rage-

I said it;
And it was the truth.

You know what I don't understand?
Why that's not okay...

I've never slipped up before-
Like that;

Or unleashed that side of myself...

But with her I did.

And I'm not sorry.

Because it was real.

I don't get why we are supposed to mask emotion
And play like it's okay-

When it's not okay...
When it will never be okay.

Anger is just as real as happiness,
Yet we are supposed to bottle it up
Like a caged animal

And trapped-
It grows into an
Overwhelming rage.

I understand civility,
And presenting your anger in a mature manner...

But when people cross that line with you,
And do the unforgivable,

It goes entirely passed civility.

Everyone would disagree with that.
And no,
It's probably not what God would want.

He would want me to have been silent,
Or still,
Hold my dignity,
And my tongue...

But I didn't.
And I still don't regret it.
I still don't feel like it was a mistake.

It was something that had been stewing for years,
That I didn't understand.

And for forever,
I'd blamed myself,
My pride-
My jealousy.

I never knew there was something at the other
End provoking me,
Without words-

I didn't even realize that was possible...

But she-
Brought out a side in me,
That I didn't know I had-

This toxic,
Angry,
Person;
Volatile
And alive.

But real.


It was real.

And I don't regret it-
Because of that reason.

Because I said
What I really felt-
What I really needed to say,
What she really needed to hear.

Every ounce of it,
Was genuine
Rage

And
I stand by it.

It makes me more genuine
Than fake

More human
Than plastic

More imperfect,
And unruly
And alive.


I don't apologize.

What was said that day
Was what was on my heart.

It was what I felt
And it was what she deserved.