I'm Really

tired of being used up by my "friends"-for rides, or just so I can be their meal ticket. I realize I'm a pushover-and probably very easy to take advantage of, because I just assume people have good intentions and would never use me-but I'm figuring out, that most of my "friends" only come around when it's beneficial for them-when they are hungry, or need a ride or have a heavy load of burdens they need to dump or venting they need to get out...I am their trash bag.

The funny thing about this, is not only do they feel like they can lie to me, or treat me the way they want, they only call me when their other thuggy friends are not available-friends that would sell them out for their next hit.

And I'm sick of it.

I'm tired of doing everything and never getting anything in return. I'm tired of being stood up, when I've sat aside my whole evening to make plans...and I'm tired of being lied to and pretending like I don't know, just so I can dole out numerous chances HOPING they will come around.

I just got a job, and I have to help out MY family out, most of them have jobs and just pad their pockets with it because their parents give them lunch money-yet, when they decide to go out with me, they never have any-so I foot the bill, knowing they'd never do the same for me.
And I'm sick of it.
We use MY car, MY gas money.

And in the weeks that go by in between visits, the phone never rings, and the only messages sent are always from me, never being returned with a response until someone gets hungry or needs advice...advice that they never really CARE to take, they just want me to spin my wheels for an hour as we indulge together in the drama of the moment; pretending like we actually still have anything in common even though neither of us have had a real conversation in months.

And I'm mentally exhausted with it.
I'm so sick of being alone all the time-

Alone in all of my relationships.

It's incredibly tiresome and expensive.

And I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to put up with it.